I love Christmas! I mean, doesn’t everyone? But since having kids, it’s only gotten sweeter and sweeter. This time of year makes me feel an overwhelming sense of gratitude for the people and things I hold closest to my heart. But this year it seems especially concentrated for me for a lot of reasons.
The other day, (as I was doing research for a round up post I’m working on) I ran across another blogger’s website. To say I was affected by this incredible woman is an understatement. This woman… this mother… tore my heart into a million pieces with her story.
On Christmas Day 2019, she put her 3 month old baby down for a nap and when she went to check on him, he wasn’t breathing. He was rushed to the hospital but ultimately passed away a few days later. Needless to say, her world was shaken to the core. Destroyed beyond belief. While she tried to survive from one day to the next and figure out how to cope with the most devastating loss imaginable, she still had to be a pillar for her other children. Only a few short months later, she found out that she was pregnant again. She felt happiness, sadness, fear, excitement guilt and pain.
I found myself with tears streaming down my face at 7 O’clock in the morning over my cup of coffee reading about what she’s gone through this past year. I can’t imagine the pain she’s had to endure and Lord willing I never have to. I’ve thought about her and prayed for her every day since I read her story. She’s not been shaken from my heart.
We have all had a lot to complain about this year and rightfully so. We’ve all had to face challenges that we never thought we would have to and it’s been difficult in too many ways to count. But reading this mother’s story hit me hard. It caused me to reflect on all of the good that’s come out of this year and all of the things I have. Every day I’ve been able to stay at home with my kids and every night I’ve been able to sing them to sleep. I get to wake up next to my husband every morning and go to sleep next to him at night. I get to go through the good times AND the bad with my family and “I count it all joy.” Pure joy in the littlest of things… and I truly mean that with all my heart.
I’ve held my kids a little tighter these past few days. Said some more ‘I love you’ s. I’ve made sure my kids know how much they mean to me and made more time to just sit with my arms around them.
And this Christmas… All I am is grateful.